So before I get into the nitty gritty of online dating, I first need to explain my entrance into it. I started dating at 26. I never had a boyfriend or anything resembling one. I woke up one morning and decided I wanted to enter the dating world. I remember thinking this shouldn’t be hard. Well boy was I wrong. My first foray into the online dating was Match.com and eHarmony. These sites though reputable are expensive as hell and take way too long to begin talking to someone. Even before you get to this stage you have to go through a huge questioner. This alone took 30min-45min. Here I am thinking that its generating my profile….nope. Now I have to do my actual online profile. So I write my likes dislikes blah blah blah. I set it up and I wait. Now mind you I paid for a year…..so that’s some serious cash. I give it about a month on both these sites before I say fuck it and move on. I got maybe two bites the entire time and I couldn’t even talk to anyone without answering stupid questions. At this point I can’t even remember the questions but they were something like… do you like movies and if so what kind…umm hello look at my profile. Needless to say I ditched these sites and took the hit with the money. So now that I’ve decided eHarmoney and Match.com are worthless…though the tv repeatidly told me I’d find the one. I decided to try okCupid…….fuck site. Did I say fuck site? Because that’s what it is. I can’t tell you the dick pics I’ve seen, unsolicited mind you. I even went as far as making an album called cupids dicks that I would tell the guys they were going into. I met a “decent guy” took me out on some dates. I enjoyed myself. I waited a good amount of time before sleeping with him. Maybe a week after that I got ghosted. Ow my pride. But I’m a big girl so I pulled my panties up and went back into the world. Still same site. First off okCupid has you fill out this questionnaire. When I say this is detailed and private I mean it was invasive like a protctologist. All up in your shit. Now there are normal questions such as favorite movies and food then comes the sex portion of the questions. The first questions aren’t too bad… have you been kissed, do you like cuddling, then BAM! It starts asking me if I like anal or would be into threesomes. Would I ever go down a girl? Now remember I am new to the dating world…but don’t worry it covers whether or not you’re a virgin in the questionnaire…phew because that’s super important in finding Mr. Right. This is my main horror story from okCupid, never mind the stalker I picked up. This dude was nice. Too short from me but I’m a big girl and I figured people gave me a chance I will give shorty one. So he asks me where I wanna go, I don’t care, so I tell him to pick some place. He says Friendly’s. I’m like uhhhhhhhhhh ok? So I go there I’m waiting. I see him walk around the corner with not one my friends but TWO KIDS! He brought his children! At this point I wanna run but I’m a nice person so I’m like ok, let me suffer through and get it over with. So I end up sitting next to his daughter. A quarter of the meal in she goes “are you my new mommy, bc I really love my real mommy and Daddy told us not to tell her were out with you……” ummmmmmm check please! So needless to say I told him it wasn’t gonna work and after a few more texts and a “Ill leave my kids for you” I blocked his number. My other horror was the dick pic 8” guy. He became an unintentional fuck buddy. By unintentional I mean three months into it we only went on one date and spent most of the time in bed. It was fun but not what I wanted. So after I broke it to him he proceeded to find me on every social media outlet he could get his hands on. Now the best results and decent guys I ever met were plentyoffish. I set my hook baited it with a cute profile and waited. This time I was smart. I played coy didn’t put too much effort into looking because at this point I am fed up and thinking I am gonna have to go on that blind date my mom set up. But the stars aligned, the moon was full, and mars was in the retrograde. Just as I was about to delete my account I found my man. The most wonderful, sweetest, normal guy who wanted to truly treat me like a princess. We talked for a good two months as friends before we met. The first night we met he didn’t even try to get a kiss. When I went away on vacation two days after meeting me he was texting me asking how the trip was going and gave me updates on weather. I have stage 2 melanoma so he would make sure I was wearing sunscreen and if there was a storm coming he knew and told me before the first drop of rain fell. I knew at this point I had found my man. My ride or die. We’ve been together now for a year and I don’t see it slowing down. Fingers crossed he’s my forever because God help me if I ever need to go back to online dating.